The 9 Types of Girlfriends

Category : Adult Humor

Ms. Nice Guy

'Tickets to the boxing match? Oh Darling, you shouldn't have'

Also known as: What a gal, precious, one of the boys, my main squeeze, doormat
Advantages: Cheerful, agreeable, kindly
Disadvantages: May wise up someday

Old Yeller

'You G-D spineless good-for-nothing drag-ass no-talent son of a bitch! Can't you see you're making me miserable??'

Also known as: She-Devil, Sourpuss, the Nag, My Old Lady, Warthog from Hell
Advantages: Pays attention to you
Disadvantages: Screeches, throws frying pans

Sickly

'Oh, my head. My head. My feet. My cramps. My cellulite'

Also known as: Whiner, Mewler, Glumpy
Advantages: Predictable
Disadvantages: Contagious

The Bosser

'Stand up straight. Put on a different tie. Get a haircut. Change your job. Make some money. Don't give me that look.'

Also known as: Whipcracker, The Sarge, Ms. Know-it-all, Ball and Chain, yes, Mom
Advantages: Often right
Disadvantages: Often right, but so what?

Ms. Vaguely Dissatisfied

'I just can't decide. Should I switch my career, goals, home, and hair color?'

Also known as: The Fretter, Worrywart, Typical, Aw c'mon Honey
Advantages: Easily soothed
Disadvantages: Even more easily perturbed

Wild Woman out of Control

'I've got an idea. Lez get drunk an' make love onna front lawn. I done it before. S'fun.'

Also known as: Fast girl, freewheeler, goodtime charleena, passed out
Advantages: More fun than a barrel of monkeys
Disadvantages: Unreliable; drives off cliffs

Huffy

'I see nothing humorous in those silly cartoons you keep snickering at'

Also known as: No fun, humorless prig, Cold fish, Chilly proposition, iceberg, Snarly
Advantages: Your friends will feel sorry for you
Disadvantages: You will have no friends

Woman from Mars

'I believe this interpretive dance will explain how I feel about our relationship'

Also known as: The Babbler, Spooky Girl, Screwball, Loony, Bad News, Artistic
Advantages: Entertaining, unfathomable
Disadvantages: Will read her poetry aloud

Ms. Dreamgirl

'I am utterly content with you just the way you are, my handsome genius of a boyfriend. I think we must make love like crazed weasels now'

Also known as: Ms. Right, Goddess, Knockout, Perfection, Gorgeous
Advantages: Funny, intelligent uninhibited
Disadvantages: Will have nothing to do with you